


All Feelings

by Moon0618



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Intimacy, Kissing, M/M, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:14:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6383548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moon0618/pseuds/Moon0618
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm planing to write down feelings in all Zude scenes until season 2 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. From Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys this is my first work and honestly I'm so exciting.  
> English is not my first language so I'm sorry for my mistakes I hope you guys enjoying it.  
> Please make a comment and let me know what you think.

#### Jude’s POV

Wow. A car a fucking car he’s giving me and making me his agent his main number one guy that was the first time I start to think I have feelings for him all those gifts and words something begining to happen like a little warmth inside of me.

Hookers really lots of hookers I have no idea why I’m so pissed off when I heard the scandal but all I feel like so angry or something else I can’t put name of my feelings jesus wtfs is wrong with me when it came to Zero I feel helpless without any reason it was the way I feel when I first time see Zero and Jelena but more of it maybe even little bit painful why I was the one suffering what he did all I should care as his agent how we can survive from this shit but I was thinking about him I need to talk with him his flight was in a hour. We were in the limo and he was sad worried he was talking about how his reputation taking away from him I told him I always going to be there for him and I’m still team zero just like before and he did something he puts his hand on my knee that was the last drop for my feelings to came clear I leave myself and kissed him God it was everything it was the most beautiful kiss I have ever but he pulled away himself and yelled at me

“Jude”

I really can’t remember what else he sad I told him I’m not gay but I was and I didn’t know I was gay until he came along I try to close Zero feelings inside of me that night because I’m not gonna get anything from him.

Next day I looked for my client yes my client that’s all Zero meant to me now I found him in court today was the photo shoot day Derek and Terrence already started the shoot and Zero was sitting down I have to go little rough on photographer's assistant for get Zero in the photo shoot I feel bad for him but I didn’t care about much because Zero began to undress and asks me

‘Wanna oil me up’

fuck yes but I know he wasn’t really meant of it. It was just sarcasm on his way I couldn’t stop myself looking to his perfect hottie ass oh man. I need a quick solution about him because I was wanting him badly. The solution didn’t took much longer but I wasn’t ready for it so that’s why when photographer’s assistant the one I was rough on him told me he thinks I’m cool and asks me can he get my number I told him I’m not gay but maybe real words are I’m only gay for Zero lately.

God damn it I need to do something so I decide give this assistant a shot he was give me his number so I called him and we decide to meeting at the Devil’s party. When night came my door knocked I wasn’t expecting anyone and I need be at the party in a hour I opened door and see Zero that was shoking what the fuck he’s doing here he doesn’t even get dressed for the party he said he doesn’t in the party mood I told him as his agent he need to go to this party and he told me more like asking though

“If I didn’t know any better I think you have your own reasons to get this party”

I guess he was just read my mind I didn’t care I was done with my Zero feelings so I told him that I’m going to meet with someone he asks me who why the hell he was even caring anyway I said

“Danny the photographer’s assistant from the shoot”

He set forth Ahsha and told me the forget it. It took forever convince him to get this party. We were about to go and he said “I’m sure Danny the photographer’s assistant will be fine” this sound came like quite jealousy to me but no Zero would never accept anything to show him like he was caring for someone so I told him with disappointment “Fine you know what have your way Danny’s waiting” but he did something he stoped me

“You don’t even know the guy”

“I’m about to”

The kiss hits me like a rock I can feeling it in every cell on my body it was so sudden so I pulled myself back he was so into the kiss I looked his beautiful face and pulled him back to myself that’s it everything I have ever wanted was between in my hands kiss started to get more passionate he was start to opening my buttons while he was kissing me and I took his shirt off I can feel that he was smiling when we were making out then we get rid of our pants I was still between wall and Zero then he hold my arm and drag me to the bedroom with kisses in a minute we were naked his hands was on my hips holding me tight he laid me down on the bed he was top of me pressing his body to mine I can feeling his hard on he turned me back with sweet touches his hands were everywhere on my body and feels so damn good being under him he was kissing my neck all I do was groaning with pleasure he opened condom slip to his dick I can hear it my head was almost under the pillow he mumbled something I didn't try to understand I was focusing how I'm going feel when he start to fuck me he was slow I can tell that he was trying hard for me to not get hurt when I adjust him I told him  
“Go faster do whatever you want it’s fine I desire you more then you thought”  
And he did he fucks me for hours everyway he want all I do was letting him it was really joyful ride for me for discover what I really want. Tiredness came along for both of us and he just fall asleep on my chest he was so beautiful so close I know when morning came he was going to be Zero again but at this point all I want to do take pleasure from this moment I wished to stay like that forever and left myself to sleep with happiness.

 

#### Zero’s POV

I was thinking about Jude yeah I guess he deserved to be my agent so I talked to the partners and made it official now I need to pick a car for him I was thinking about colour dark because when I think about him I was thinking about him only colour in my head was dark just like a sexy torture yeah yeah I was affected by him these couple days maybe even more then a few days but he seems pretty disinterested on me so all I want having a good agent with a nice car. He looked happy for gift little bit shocking but happy.

Scandal I was feeling like screwed humiliated she was took my reputation and all my sponsors Jude was trying to calm me down he told me

“I figured something out I'll fix it ”

But words doesn’t meant anything at this time although I know Jude will never leave me he was the first person I trust because he was earned it with his loyalty to me and that’s the only reason why I put my hand on his knee but he returned to my move with a kiss I think that’s meaning he’s not disinterested to me but I wasn’t ready for something like that so I pulled myself and told him

“You're barking up the wrong tree”

And leave him for my flight. Fuck me what was I thinking I was wanting him surprisingly he was came to me and I was told him there is nothing for him deep in down I was scared because first time of my life I was liked someone before they were into me it was an unusual situation for me so I tried to forget about Jude Kincade kiss effects on me.

 

I was watching Jelena and Terrence then Jude came along asks me why I’m sitting here and enter me in the photo shoot with some roughness I ask him with joke he’s doing all of this just the see me naked. 

Devil’s party was tonight but I wasn’t in the party mood I was more like Jude mood so I went to see him. He was already get dressed fort he party I tried to ignore that so I spread over couch and took a magazine. He was trying to convince me to get this party but he was trying so hard I suspect there might be more about this party for him so I ask and he told me he’s going to meet some Danny guy and from now on no way I was going to this party half an hour later I was getting dressed for the party Jude really could be very convincing when he want it to. He was in a rush so I told him Danny is going to be fine with a little furious and there is the look big talk on his way I can feel it. He was accusing me being jealous I denied he asks me do I not wanting him go to this party hell yes I wasn't wanting him to go and meet some random guy I was here for spent time with him and he was running to some guy but I can't show him my real feelings because I never feel real intimacy to someone I wasn't going to change that for him and he said with a disappointment

"Fine you know what have your way Danny is waiting"

and that's it I couldn't let him go I was the one wanting him so this time I stick into to the his soft tasteful lips it felt awesome first he pulled himself than our lips met with hunger and needy. For tonight all I want was being with him I could think later what will happen. For a long time this was first I feel happy there with him on the bed while we were kissing touching as naked. I told him I’m going to be gentle as I can he didn’t seem like hearing me he buried his head under the pillow I began the fuck him slowly I know that was his first time last thing I wanting to do was hurt him but he told me do whatever I want and I did. I fuck him in lots of position I still don't going too fast because it was still his first time but I was effective enough he felt so good under me I was keep touching his back his arms kissing his neck. A few hours later I was began to feel tired so I turn him to me and fuck him last one time after we came I fell to his chest he was so warm and beautiful I couldn't find the strength in myself to leave him I was feeling safe on his chest his right arm was on me my eyes were closed I know he thought I was sleeping and I left him to think like that I can worried tomorrow things that I've done tonight.


	2. Thoughts and Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait I have midterms, I am going to try being faster from now on.  
> Again sorry for language mistakes folks.  
> Welcome season 2 episode 10's feelings. I hope you enjoying it.  
> Also I add somethings from myself I hope that was okay.

#### Zero’s POV

Thank God I woke up early in the morning. We were almost in a spoon position. I moved away myself from him immediately. I could be drunk with good sex ecstasy last night but I can think clear now so I get what I want from him and I have no idea why I'm looking for a morning session now, maybe that's why, it was one of the greatest sex I have ever had so I decide woke him up with touches. We were in our sides of bed now there is nothing to proof that we were cuddling that was a good sign, I don’t have to explain anything to him because I wasn’t remember, at least that was what I was going to tell him if tries to imply something. With a little stroke he was up and I just stick into my lips to his mouth so he couldn't say something but all he’s done was returning to favor like he wasn’t sleeping just waiting for it to happen, I turn him on his back touched his body like last nights, everything about him so beautiful and soft, I started to fuck him I was also holding him tight to myself because I was knowing I have to let him in a few hours and start act like an asshole but no matter what I have to be like that, I can’t let someone in including him. While I was thinking of these stuffs I was having his body over and over again, he was mine I was his first and that thought even turning me on more, like something like that even possible, he was so tight and the feelings is so good I was about to come, he was already come, after we done I started to feel like more myself more cruel, I convince myself that was all I want from him now that I get it I was done with him there is nothing sentimental about it. It was that simple so I get up and start to get dressing and he asks 

“So that’s it.”

Yeah that was it exactly and I told him with in an arrogant tone

“You seem pretty satisfied a minute ago.”

And he starts talking more, all I want to do was get outta him in my head, so I told him that we are having a good time and it wasn’t deep because I don’t make it deep, he needs to understant that, I wasn’t planing to change my rules just for him yes he was nobody anybody and most of all he was not special for me I told him 

“I don’t do relationships.”

That was the end of the story, he was talking about Jelena and that was the exact reason why I don’t do one, I wasn’t need to make deep conversations because I never have anyone to deserve it and I convince myself he was just for fun and that’s meaning he doesn’t deserve one either. As last one I told him

“We can keep having fun or not it’s up to you.”

And just left him there, I was trying to stay cool when I was having that conversation, smiling time to time like nothings important about it about him but when I get to my car I was feeling like a completely asshole. He doesn't do anything to deserve that kind of act but I have to think about myself as always, so I left my guilt under that thought.

Devil’s win the game, since I got the Jude’s home key which he was give it to be a few days ago because I was need some papers from his and he says, he doesn’t have time for get them, so give me his spare keys and I didn’t give them back to him and he doesn’t want back either. So I go to his apartment, it was little than mine but it was warmer it was just like Jude himself, that wasn’t something good for me think of but at that moment when I was all alone in his apartment, I can just let go of my feelings for a little, then I realize I was about fell into the someone and this was not something I can get at the moment, so I jumped the shower cold water was feels good, it was like bring back to life my cruelty for him, that was a good sign I should stop doing complicating my feelings for Jude because I don’t have one or I shouldn’t have one, I was the only thing that matters because nobody is going to look after for me. Of course, when I was heard his conversation with Derek everything went upside down. Coke scandal that would be awesome for me but there is Jude and no way in earth I will do something that bad to him, so I decide act like I heard nothing from their conversation, I wasn't attempt to lose his trust for me because he was the only one who really trusting me and that was important for me, I can't afford lose that. Ones Derek is gone I get out from the bathroom he told me 

“I didn’t realize you were here.”

I told him I was in the shower, he looks like a little bit anxious for me being here, he says he’s gonna jump in the shower. When he was passing me by he hit my arm slowly like friends do and that was annoying, I wasn't here as a friend and I was knowing that he was worried all those Olivia stuffs, so I decided to take his all worries with his mind and started wait for him in the bed as naked. He get out from bath, he was with towel he looked at me smiled a little, and turn his head, his smile looking like he was in pain like he was trying to fight something he thought and defeated to idea and come my side on bed, he jumped over me, begining to kiss me hungrily like I’m his escape point I can solve his problems, I didn’t care I was so into him at the moment and than all night just like the other one I have him over and over again he was mine only mine in this point.

 

#### Jude’s POV

 

When I woke up someone was on me, I mean literally on me and there was kisses, touches. I tried to remember last night then it hits me Zero I was with him last night and first time of my life I have been with a man, he knows that was my first I think that wasn’t something hard to guess either since I was acting like scared because of all this gay stuffs and then I remembered a memory from last night or early in the morning, we were cuddling he was lying down on me and sleep right there on my chest, I was so happy and now he was up and trying to get me ready for sex, he turned me back and started to fuck me but there was something different from the other night, he was like trying to hold on me like he didn’t want to let go of me. When he’s done he was quickly stayed away from me, I was a little bit shock by the move when we started to talking, man a few minutes ago was far too gone just like I thought he was turned back that senseless human again. I don’t do relationships, we can keep having fun or not, I was begining to think like I’m some kind of prostitute like something for him to play and first time of my life, I was feeling like dirty inside, like a using and thrown away and I left alone with my thouhts.

We win the game, I was driving back to home with Derek we were talking, when we get to the home we were still talking about everything like the coke and Olivia, how could I know I have bomb inside waiting for me, when I realize it, it was too late if he was listening to us from bathroom and if he uses the coke against Derek that would be pretty bad for me, so I was just trying to get Derek out of the house when he is gone Zero get out from the bathroom, all I want to do was avoid him, so I ran into to the bath. When I was out he was lying on bed, naked he was looking just like a statue in my bed, waiting for me like nothings happened in the morning. I looked at him and begin to smile myself turn my head, I didn’t want to see him because I was wanting him so badly, he was my safe place and I was knowing that he couldn’t be like that but it doesn’t seem to be like matters to me, I have a desire and hunger for him, so I quit fighting with feelings and jump over him. I want to hate him but all I do was kissing him, leaving him so he could play with me, I want to cry but instead I was still leaving him so he can have my body when we are done I didn’t even looked at him just sleep and let every thought I have today collapse on me like worst nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could you please make a comment? Because I really need to know if you're liking it or not so please make one.  
> Thanks a lot for reading it.


	3. Finding a new way to live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 2 Episodes 11 and 12

#### Jude’s POV

When I woke up he was gone, I was glad that he is gone, I needed to clear my head a little, about us. He was coming get what he wants, his relieve and then going, this situation is completely definition of using someone. At these days there is lots of going on, I was nervous all the time, he was not being helpful on the contrary he makes me feel worst then ever, my entire life nobody gets me feel like that, he was really special for me and everyday I was connetting him little bit more, I can feel that idea everywhere on my body but obviously I'm nothing special for him, I'm just a toy he can use whenever he wants. So I decide give it a break and not to see him for a while, I can't allowed him makes me feel more mess than I already have. Than I remembered I need to ask him something important about one of the deals, got damn it looks like in this world everything has to be on his benefit.

I found him while he was drinking a beer he was watching tv there is news about Terrence, a rumor it was saying that he was playing injured. I told him 

“Pretty nasty rumor about Terrence”

And there it is, he was the one who did this so I asked

“What do you know?”

“Let's just say the Wall is coming down, get it”

Well I was thinking about Derek, he would be the perfect target, especially if he heard when I was talking with Derek about the coke and I was almost sure he was listening us. He told me, he doesn’t have anything on Derek. And then more news Chase Vincent exonerated in wife's murder, I was started feel like everything falling apart. And later of the day Derek come down on me and accuses me being good at my job, this means he doesn't going to be my alibi, this was bad like really really bad, I was feeling like drowning in all those stuffs. Also talking with Derek helps me make certain of Zero heard our conversation and knows about the coke but he wasn't use that against Derek and that was weird, I know if he use it that would be awful for me but he will never do something like that for me, also there is no other explanation for it. Whatever I need go and see Oscar now but how could I know that could went that badly seen him, he told me he doesn't have a son, end of the conversation. Getting disappointment from everybody I care about, I guess I should get used to it.

When I get home Zero wasn’t here and that was good, I really didn’t want to see him at the moment. I sit on the floor, leaned my back on the couch and continue feeling like a disaster, at least I was alone but then I heard the door was opening, I haven't seen him since the morning when he sees me like that he asked me whats happened, he didn't sit down he was just leaning over desk I told him Oscar happened and keep telling, he just listens I didn’t look at his face, maybe that’s why I didn’t want to see him as bored with my issues or more like afraid to see him like that beacuse if he doesn't want to hear then I have to believe I meant nothing for him, I told him, he knew about the coke but he doesn't use it because it would have hurt me, he act like this wasn't a big deal but I know it was. I was telling him that I want reach back from him and I guess he did in his own way, he told me his parents gave him up, he has a foster parents and Zero wasn't his real name but of course when I asked his real name he just return back that careless man but first time everything started make sense he was build walls around himself so they can protect him getting hurt and he was never crush any of them for somebody and at this moment I stoped feeling bad for myself and started feeling sad for him, I can't even imagine how alone he is, maybe even more alone than me. All I want to do was making him happy but I know he would never let me do it so I tried to reach him the only way he would let me, I know there is no such a thing as gentle between us so when I pulled him for a kiss, it was passionate one, his response was even more ambitious than mine, he laid me down, he was top of me now, he was already get off his shirt and start to unbuttoned mine. I let him to take charge, I know he feels like exposed because of the things he said to me, he needs to take power back so I let him. We were still on the floor but we both didn't seem like caring about it. After we done I just close my eyes, he was the one usually sleeps easily but this time it was my turn, at least I act like it and he buy it I can feel that he was watching me, he touched my hair my cheeks very softly way, I was shocked by move his made, I knew only reason he's doing these things because of he thinks I'm asleep but it was still enough for making me happy.

When I came home he was there as usual and I wasn’t definitely mood for handle him right now and he starts whining about some deals like he didn’t now he was still in PR jail and he needs MVP and he was so good at definition of my mood swings then I learned my best friend and my dad were getting married. Today was really one of the greatest day of my life and I was wondering if it could get any worse than this. I decided the sleep and worry about everything tomorrow of course with pain in my ass, he was literally living at my place now and for my sake I try not to think about him too and go to bed.

He offered me go to wedding together and he was already pick my suit for the wedding, that was unusual but I was so stressful for thinking what is going on about us, all my attention was on the wedding and Linoel until see that girl one of big fans of Zero's, he’s get my full attention now and

“I’m a big fan of yours too.”

What the fuck is that supposed to mean now? I want to kill her, I never felt that jealous my entire life and they were just keep flirting, I need to run away because I need to worry about this later not now.

We won the game as usual. After I see Zero with that girl like that, I decide to I can't do this anymore as much as I really liked Zero, I can not be his toy from now long so I try to find him he was in the locker room when I found him and he was blaming me for his situation, it was unbelievable and then asks me, am I still angry about that girl at the wedding, he has no idea what about to happen because of her, she was the one who opened my eyes about Zero, he doesn't going to give me anything I want it, I need to cut him off from my life, it was painful talking with him because I want to have something special with him and all he's done was blocking me, that was the real reason why I was so mad at this situation and it was time to go now, he try to stop me and I told him I'm done, I couldn't stick around waiting for things to happen

“Gideon”

What was that now? His name, of course, he didn’t tell me his name that night but he was telling me now, he was telling me something really matters to him, that means he wants to have something with me, it has been so long I haven't felt hopeful but after this I was feeling full of hope.

#### Zero’s POV

I get up early and leave him alone. I was started to getting addicted to him everyday, I was even began put his goodness before than mine, I wasn't use Derek's coke scandal just for him, these feelings are so strange to me but they were also makes me feel good in a weird way, it was just like filling emptiness in me. 

Couple hours later when he found me I was listening news about Terrence, when he realized it was me who did this, he start asked me about Derek, I told him I don't have anthing on him because if I say I heard their conversation, he will try to make a thing out of it, maybe it was a thing but I wasn't ready for drop my guard.

What Oscar said about Derek makes me feel angry might me new king on the throne and all for Jude, I know he's worth it but still it makes me feel odd because I'm not used to doing good things for other humans sake. When I get his home his car was already there that was unusual I usually come earlier than him, I didn't knock the door just I get inside, he was sitting on the floor, he looks really desperate and ruined, I asked him what's happened, I never seen him like that and first time I was worried about someone. He began the tell Oscar, he was talking but he wasn't looking at me like he was scared what he might have see when he looks at me, I just listen carefully then he told me about the coke thing and I just act like that was nothing, he told me he needs reach back for once, he looks so sad and vulnerable, I feel bad for him, I didn't want to see him suffer because of some peace of shits so I did all I could and first time I told someone I was a foster child and my foster parents gave me the name Zero, he asks my real name but that was too much, I can't let him go that far. He didn't insist, he just looked at me like he sees me, understands me, then he leaned for kiss, I kissed him even more hungrily than his. Talking about my past makes me feel weak but he was there for me, I know he was and that was only thing makes me feel okay these days and of course have sex with him makes me feel great. We were still on the floor, he was sleeping, oh god he was so beautiful, he was everything I could ask for but I can never be the man he wants, I just watch him, touch softly his hair, his cheeks like I'm scared to hurt him. I need to way out from him but I guess that was tomorrow's problem. 

When he came home I was settled down on couch and eating my cereal I was planning to ask him about the deals but he was quite anxious tonight and then the wedding stuffs Lionel and Oscar, he told me he is going to sleep and went to the bedroom that wasn't my plan for the night but there isn't much I can do.

I picked a suit for him we should go to wedding together, I thought he shouldn't be going alone but ones we get there and the girl started to talk with me, I was completely forgot I was with Jude, he just mistreat to girl and walk away furiously and this wasn’t looking good for me.

After we won the game I just want to go and give Jude a hug but I will never do that and all he is doing was watching me, I feel guilty but also there was nothing I could do. I don’t do relationships end of the story, especially not the humans I feel something real, I should run away from them because they could have the leverage that could hurt me but so far I couldn't stay away from Jude, I go to the locker room sit and think about all of this then he came along, we started talking, he looks like still pissed because of that girl, I told him I never lied to him then he talks, I just listen to him, I couldn't answer him because if I did, it would have changed everything then he just turn back and try to leave also I could not let him go, I need him, so I stopped him, he told me he is done with me, he can't do this anymore and try to leave again I feel so helpless, I really can't let him go, he would have become part of my life, the most beautiful part actually, everything was more easy when I was with him, that was the reason why I can't let him go now, I told him my real name just for the stop him and I thought it will work but all he say was, he wants to take me on a date, he looked at me with hopeful eyes and leave me alone with my Zero poster. I was knowing that I will never give him that call he wants. I guess I need find a new agent and way to live without Jude, this wasn't going to be easy but I was pretty sure I can handle it just like old times.


End file.
